1

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 17:43


Citeret



A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America --


In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA
and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting
Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for
America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year
to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You
will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the
suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
elimination of '-ize'. You will relearn your original national anthem,
God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will
no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a
vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a
vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as Beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be
referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America .. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never
mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in
season.


John Cleese


http://ablokesblog.blogspot.com/2006/12/…-is-enough.html

:)) :))


2

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 17:47


Hehe, det er god gas.


3

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 17:48


Haha :hb:


Sådan!


4

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 17:53


Hahahahahahahahaha :)) :9xo :T :clap: Hvor er den fed, jeg har ikk grint så meget i lang tid:D

Macbook 15"4
2,3 ghz i7 Quadcore
500gb hdd
4gb ram

5

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 18:42


:clap: Ha ha den var go', men Carlsen kan da bestemt ikke bryde sig om pkt. 13 :$

System :
Intel Core 2 Duo E6550
ASRock 4CORE1333-GLAN
Inno3D 8500GT 512mb
2 GB Kingston HyperX DDR2-800
WD Caviar 250 GB Sata II
Antec Trio-430 truepower psu

6

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 18:59


DET er god humor. Det synes jeg, selv om jeg ikke kører i venstre side af vejen.
Men nu er jeg også generelt ret glad for britisk humor. Og især John Cleese.
Men punkt 13 er lidt fesen.


7

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 22:00


haha klasse indlæg. ok punkt 3 hehe


8

torsdag, 4. januar 2007, 22:39


Haha nice.. Ka godt li punkt 9 - så ka de lære det :))

CPU i7-4790k
MB ASRock Z97 Pro4
GFX Asus GTX770
RAM Kingston HyperX Fury 16GB
SSD Samsung 840 Evo 250GB
PSU Corsair RM550
Dual Boot Windows 10 Pro & macOS Sierra

9

fredag, 5. januar 2007, 10:30


haha den var fed :clap:

men teatime, kunne de godt undlade, det er spild af tid :P

ellers var det sgu en go griner :))


10

fredag, 5. januar 2007, 11:46


hahaha... :9xo

nu gør mine lattermuskler ondt....! :P

Nu med iPad!

11

fredag, 5. januar 2007, 16:38


Se det er sku' humor... :))

[IMG]http://www.tweak.dk/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=16923&sid=[/IMG]

12

lørdag, 6. januar 2007, 15:35


haha.. det må siges at være fuldstændigt genialt :D

P5N32-E SLI
C2D E6600 2.4 @ 3.5
Cellshock V2 PC6400 2GB kit
Inno3D 8800GTS 320M
Hiper R-type 580W
Seagate 300GB, Seagate 250GB, Hitachi 123,5GB
All in Antec LANboy!

13

lørdag, 6. januar 2007, 16:18


Haha:D
Super god griner her en lørdag!!

Dennis Hansen, dehan.dk

14

lørdag, 6. januar 2007, 16:50


Godt skrevet, Haha. :)
Men til de, der ikke har set Four Weddings and a Funeral, så spiller Andie McDowell altså amerikaner, og snakker som hun skal.

Lad dig ikke narre af hårfarven ;)

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