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    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
    the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.


    Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people
    faster than Death can process them.


    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his
    closet for Chuck Norris.


    Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris'
    fist.


    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.
    Just never his own.


    Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".


    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


    Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.


    Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris
    facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site
    because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.


    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't
    see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


    Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in
    all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.


    Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because
    hair does not grow on steel.


    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


    When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.


    Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was
    saving it for Chuck Norris.


    It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that
    would mean you did not want it to happen.


    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The
    same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in
    public.


    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms
    and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready
    to attack.


    Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.


    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It
    helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him
    holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card,
    a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game
    Uno.


    If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if
    your wish is dying.


    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was
    the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show
    consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting
    for the wheel to stop.


    Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared
    question his motives.


    They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice.



    Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.


    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.


    Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.


    When driving in his SUV, Chuck Norris always swerves out of
    the way if a squirrel is in the road. Not because he finds
    their antics amusing, but because it gives him a chance to
    run over pedestrians.


    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck
    Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of
    Chuck Norris


    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't
    get up the courage to tell him.


    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now
    The Islands.


    Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads:
    darks, whites, and bloodstains.


    Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.


    Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.


    The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they
    have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.


    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
    are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until
    he gets the information he wants.


    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of
    germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the
    fuck he wants.


    If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.


    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


    Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck
    Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.


    Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.


    Chuck Norris can speak braille.


    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He
    spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.


    Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.


    One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris
    "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and
    apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and
    politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's
    wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly
    what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.


    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck
    replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The
    mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly
    the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a
    fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.


    Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break
    Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris
    inside, only smaller and angrier.

    ...og resten


    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to
    April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.


    Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers
    of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually
    the trademark for his penis.


    At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could
    roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers
    Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris


    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.


    Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck
    Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.


    Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all
    died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the
    seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he
    should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I
    should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my
    toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I
    should be the one sitting next to you because of all my
    achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies
    with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."


    Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "It's not me,
    it's you".


    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's
    fist.


    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks
    them.


    Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows
    where you will die.


    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung
    like Chuck Norris


    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels
    like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's
    fucking beef.


    Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck
    Norris is going to kill you.


    Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.


    We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence,
    "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't
    believe in magic.


    Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.


    In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to
    stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.


    Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered,
    "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first
    and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant
    answered every single question right.


    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is
    for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning,
    that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be
    handicapped if you park there.


    Chuck Norris realized that if you change the "d" in "wand"
    to a "g", the Harry Potter books become a whole lot more
    interesting.


    As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with
    real hippos.


    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him
    in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.


    The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the
    surface of China.


    The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only
    thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.


    If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck
    Norris.


    Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"


    Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop
    because


    Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.


    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse
    kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been
    recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever
    made.


    Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to
    back the fuck off.


    Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the
    bomber.


    The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type
    "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".


    Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured
    out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.


    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you
    how many seconds you have left to live.


    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
    looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after
    the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the
    devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who
    appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should
    have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
    Wednesday of the month.


    Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.


    Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and
    promptly got her pregnant.


    The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his
    performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right
    mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal
    object. That's just suicide.


    Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their
    correct distances.


    Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live
    to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from
    Chuck.


    Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second.
    The only thing he said after this incident was, "Damn it,
    when Chuck Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck
    Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies."


    When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go".
    This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is
    your cue to start running for your life.


    Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized
    that it would be faster to run.


    Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth
    control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh
    Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.


    The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going
    is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.


    Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing
    poker.


    Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying
    glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire
    with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is
    achieved.


    If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll
    introduce you to your biological father.


    When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher
    assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received
    an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and
    promptly turning in the paper.


    Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says,
    "Now."


    Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your
    doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His
    erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.


    Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the
    bank how much he needs.


    Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate
    classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of
    little kids.


    edit
    Links:


    http://www.break.com
    http://www.filecabi.net
    http://www.fjolletobak.com
    http://www.youtube.com
    http://www.cigarfar.dk


    edit2
    [Blocked Image: http://www.cigarfar.dk/hueller.jpg] :))